Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
