weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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