Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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