Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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