The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
