I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
