You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
