Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize