Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
