forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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