Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
