i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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