getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
