Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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