my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
