i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
