Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
