This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
