if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
