that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
