I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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