It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
