Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
