omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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