he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize