Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
