Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
