you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
