): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
