Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I didn't notice because vodka
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
