I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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