wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
