Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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