i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize