NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
