I accidentally had phone sex last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
