maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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