Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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