I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
