The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
