he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
