I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What a dumb baby whore.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
