puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
