now i know why i became what i already was.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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