Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
this must be what syphilis tastes like
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
