We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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