so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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