Porn is love you can see.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
