And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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