Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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