Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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