i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize