People in love make me want to vomit
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
