Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
