WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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