I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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