Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wrigley field is MILF paradise
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
