the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
