O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
