I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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