Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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