More tranny stories later!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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