Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
