He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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