I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
