if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
