my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's not a walk of shame if you run
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
