i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
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