You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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